9 Things I Learned in 90 Days

On December 31, 2018 I raised a glass of Dom Perignon and toasted in the New Year.

Welcome to 2019! 

Like many others, I had my hopes and dreams for this new year, this new opportunity. We all have that list of things we want to work on. Lose the weight, be a better spouse, be a better parent, make more money, go on a diet, etc. And, there are also those of us that choose to stop drinking.

Yeah, that was me.

I have to say I had high hopes. I tried without success at least a half dozen times with efforts I will call “good attempts.” These would be attempts that lasted at least 10 days or more. And, then I have more attempts than I can count of less than ten days. And, you will need to breakout your college level statistics textbook, a slide rule and a scientific calculator to count my Day One’s.

I had a lot of those. But, hey, they were part of the learning process. And, learn I did.

It seemed I learned something new everyday. Sometimes it was because I persevered through a situation. Other times it was because something just dawned on me and had a profound insight. But, no matter how I learned it, I was learning. I was growing.

I learned a lot in these 90 days and I will share what I think are some of the best parts. It is my hope that by sharing my experiences and insights of my journey to sobriety that it will help others on their journey.

One, I could actually to this do this. I started to believe that not drinking was possible. I could be sober. There were so many times when I would consider a life without alcohol and wonder how I would get by. How would I be able to go to a party and not drink? I know I am not the only one with these thoughts. What I learned is that this is a mental construct. This is simply an idea in your head. It is not a concrete wall. And, it can be changed. And the way to change it is to just do the thing. Once you start pushing through this mental construct you develop a sense of confidence in yourself. You realize that, “hey, I can do this!” This is believing in yourself.

Two is Sleep. Oh this is a joy that I welcomed back in my life. You don’t know what you are missing until you don’t have it anymore. Sleep, real sleep, is heavenly. Waking up refreshed. Dreaming again. No more tossing and turning. This has been the best part of not drinking. And, I believe this is what led to the next benefit of not drinking.

Three is Energy. My energy levels have gone up significantly. I am not bouncing off the walls with some caffeine induced jitter fit. Mindlessly, skipping around from task to task. No, now, I put in a very focused, productive and effective day at work and still have some gas left in the tank when I get home.

One thing I will note is that I can feel the tiredness at the end of the day. I do start to think about getting to bed for some of that glorious sleep. And, it is not like I didn’t need the sleep before. But, I was probably numbing my senses where I did not feel my body letting me know it was time to rest and rejuvenate. And, one of the benefits of a rested body and brain is a rested mind.

Four, is clarity and focus. Not drinking has been a game-changer in the area of clarity and focus. I am more dialed in now more than ever before. I am intense without feeling tense. I can sense people and their feelings at a whole new level. And, as a leader in my company this gain has been an enormous leveling up of my performance. The remarkable part of this is how much more I notice things now. And, even more incredible is the patience I have now have to let things unfold, to become what they are, before I take action on them.

I know that my effectiveness at work will eventually start to make a difference in the long term. 90 days is not a lot of time to move the dial on major business initiatives. But, I know that if I continue to do what I am doing, being as effective as I have been recently, it will lead to a promotion, more responsibility and, of course, more money.

Five is Money. I figured I was spending about $20 (£15.5) a day. I have saved about $1,800 (£1,378) now. That almost doesn’t seem believable. But, I do think I see a difference in my checkbook. And, I know that if I had continued to drink, that money spending pace would have continued. No doubt. But, the money saved is just a part of it.

As I alluded to in number four, I have become more effective at work and believe this will result in future promotions and increased earnings. And, in addition to the money saved on booze, I will see increases in my income from not drinking.

And, hey, the lack of unknown and forgotten late-night, alcohol-induced internet purchases is an immeasurable savings. Does anyone need a Hidden Bladder Flask?

Six is physical fitness. I am not an athlete. But, I do workout religiously, run in the summer and ski in the winter. I have run a couple of marathons and did some of those obstacle course races. But, realistically, I am just trying to stay healthy.

Not drinking has not convinced me to go out and run another Spartan race, but I feel like a Spartan when I work out now. I have broken all of my previous personal bests in weight lifting and skiing. Running is yet to be seen. And, at 56 years old this is quite remarkable. And, quite welcome. It helped in the bedroom too! 😉

Flow is number seven. And, my favorite improvement of all. This is something that I learned and is new to me. Whether I am playing my guitar and singing, skiing down a mountainside or giving a talk, I am in a new dimension. I feel things more vividly now. I connect with the things outside my physically, emotionally and spiritually. I let things happen, I don’t resist and I take things as they come. And, when I get into this state, the outcomes are good, I feel good and things seem to happen almost without effort. The strength of my faith in myself and universe increases.This feels like a superpower.

Number eight is nobody cares if you don’t drink. This is a big one. 

It is big because I have noticed in myself and others how much we look at how others are going to react to our not drinking. And, this makes sense. Our primal urge to please the others around us is rooted in our need for tribal acceptance. To be rejected is to not survive. It is inherent in all of us. Of course, this programming is no longer applicable.  It is like using DOS in the age of Windows. So, being brave and leaving the herd is a bold step. But, when you look back, there won’t that many people that care. That bold step is all in your mind. For the people in your life that do say something, we must remember, they are not thinking of you, they are thinking of themselves. They are not worried about you going out on your own and maybe not surviving. They are thinking of themselves and their survival. We are all worried about the same thing. Ourselves. So, do what is best for you in your mind, not theirs.

Nine is you are hungover even if you don’t think you are. You have to get sober to know that you were drunk. And, I don’t mean just when you’re drinking. I define being drunk as the time you feel drunk and the time it takes for your body to process the alcohol you consumed. And, in my case, drunk includes the time I spent drinking, sleeping it off and battling the fog the next day. I would also include the next few days. Because, if you didn’t drink, those same few days after are a whole lot different than when you do drink. So, perhaps, you may get up the next day and get to work. But, you are not nearly as effective than if you didn’t drink. You may look and smell like a rose, but you’re all thorns on the inside.

So, where do I go from here? At 90 days, 100 days is the next “milestone.” That’s a mere 10 days away. That is easy and I will probably just do that. Beyond that, I don’t know. There is one more thing that I learned on this journey. 

You can’t do more than one day at a time. So, don’t try to. You just create the anxiety that fuels a failure. Just worry about today. So, I will not look at 6 months or a year. It is not a race with a defined finish line. It is life. It is life with all its unpredictability and opportunity thrown at you each day. And, the best way to deal with it is one day at a time.