My wife and I have enjoyed many a bottle of wine over the years. There are a lot of memories of places traveled and functions attended where the wine was commonplace. There were times of crowded places and moments of intimate spaces where the vino flowed. Wine is one of the threads that has woven our lives together to form the relationship and bond we enjoy today. But, what happens when the bottle runs dry?
My journey on the 30 days of alcohol-free living has presented some challenges I expected. The temptations on Sunday afternoons when the pigskin gets tossed around. The weekly visit to the wood-fired pizza joint with my family every Friday. The challenges you expect are the easy ones. You know what's coming and you can mentally prepare for them. It's the unexpected challenges you need to be careful about.
I wrote about the feeling of being an Outcast in another post. This was a challenge I didn't expect. But, I dealt with it. It was an internally born feeling which made it easier to deal with. And, once I understood it, I was able to mentally, and easily, joust my way around it. But, another challenge has presented itself that I have not completely solved yet.
This one does not come from inside my head which it makes it a bit more complicated to solve. It comes from the closest part of my external world. It comes from my soulmate, my best friend, my life partner. It comes from my wife.
My wife enjoys her wine. We enjoyed our wine. But, she never indulged to the level I did. She would occasionally have too much. But, that was the exception. I seemed to always have too much. And, that was the rule. And, it is why I thought it was time for a break. I just didn't realize that I would not just be breaking from the alcohol, I would be breaking from my wife too. At least that is her prospective.
She no longer has me as her partner-in-crime. She has threatened that she will have to get a new "drinking buddy." Acting as if the 30 days was going to be 30 years, she continues to question me everyday if I am going to join her for a glass of wine. So, what I thought would be a source of unquestioned support has instead become a source of unsupportive questions. That has been disappointing to say the least. And, that is not the worst of it.
It has been said that "adversity does not build character, it reveals it." Both, my wife and I are under some adversity as I strive to reach my 30 days alcohol-free. I am struggling to break free of the drinking habit. And, my wife is struggling to let me. The inherent selfishness that is revealed in our words and actions is unsettling at best and saddening at worst.
But, is it really a selfish choice? I don't believe so.
My decision to do the 30 day no alcohol challenge was not a selfish choice. It was a choice for self. It was a choice for me. It was me following a calling to improve myself, to become the best version of myself. And, the world is a better place with not just the best version of myself, but the best version of each of us.
Sometimes when we endeavor on missions to change the world or ourselves it may seem that the universe creates obstacles. These obstacles are not meant to stop us. They are meant to make us stronger. This is why we need to push through obstacles when it gets tough. And, it doesn't matter where these obstacles come from. Whether it is a friend, an acquaintance, a stranger or even your own spouse. You must push through and stick with the mission.
It is said that it is darkest just before the dawn. As I push through to 30 days I will hold my fearful wife a little closer and tighter during that darkness. And, when the dawn of 30 days arrives, she will see that she has not lost me.
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